The Gift of a Happy Mother: Letting Go of Perfection and Embracing Everyday Joy by Rebecca Eanes
A friend recommended this book to me and I bought it for myself for Mother's Day. Wendel took the older kids to the dirt to ride bikes and the twins are sleeping so I am taking some time to read this book and answer some of the journaling prompts. So far, this book is about being intentional about setting aside ten minutes each days to connect and feel real joy with your children.
How can you create space in your life to make happiness habits a part of your routine? Think in terms of what is holding you back, weighing you down, or keeping you stuck.
I am inspired to focus on 1:1 time with each child again. I used to be really good about this and with the busyness of life, the only one who gets it consistently now if Eleanor (because we have good 1:1 time while we patch her eye, while the twins sleep). This is often a joyful time for us. Lately, Oliver has expressed that he misses our 1:1 time and wants to do it again. Since school is out for summer in a couple of weeks, I am coming up with a new plan. It will look like this:
8-12 (M-F): Summer Camp for the boys
12:30 / 1:00: Lunch
1:00-2:00 Twins nap / quiet screen time for the older kids
*During this time I will take each of the three older kids for 20 minutes each to do something upstairs with just them. Play a game, read together, do a project, talk, etc. They can choose.
List just one small, doable action you will take today to create a bit of space. Make it a tiny goal, and then make it happen.
I will find a time today to tell each of my children how grateful I am for them and how much I love them. I will also tell them one thing I love about them.
What is your why? Why do you want to be a happier mom? What would it mean to your children and family? (Write it on a sticky note and place it where you will see it often.)
There is stress and contention in our home daily, due to some of the boys' challenges and due to living life as a family. I want to fill their buckets with joy and connection as much as I can. Buoy them up and help them feel loved. I want to make this a priority.
Write about a happy memory from your past - a day that seemed ordinary when you were in it but produced extraordinary memories.
I really enjoyed working on a craft project and painting nails with Eleanor this past weekend. I really enjoyed playing Chutes and Ladders with Joshua in his room after school one day a couple of weeks ago. There was a time a few months ago we played on the trampoline together and we both loved that and laughed so much. I really enjoyed talking in Oliver's room with him a couple of nights this past week and tickling his back before he fell asleep. I really enjoyed having Nathan and Zach each ride on my back, pretending like I was a horse. I made the horse sounds and galloped quickly at times, making them giggle and sometimes laugh out loud. They would pull my ponytail while riding. I always enjoy reading to all five of them as well.
Write instruction on how to find happiness as though you are telling it to a child.
If you want to be happy, think about others. What kind things can you to do help other people? You will find joy as you lift other people up. You will also find joy as you make choices that help you stay close to Heavenly Father and to the Spirit. There are many other ways to add to your happiness but these two will definitely bring joy.
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Five truths to remember on the tough days:
1. My kids are a work in progress. What we focus on grows. [I have come to realize this in recent months as well.]
2. Their problems are not mine to solve. "I want to help when I can, but they have to struggle through some things. They just do. It's how they learn resilience. Life won't always be fair to them. People won't always be good to them. More often than not, they don't need me to solve their problems anyway; they just need me to be there for them while they work through it, and they need me to believe in their ability to do so. They draw strength from that."
3. It's never going to be perfect. "There is always something I could be bothered about, always something else to wish for. The load feels a little lighter when I decide to find the joy in the chaos."
4. I've messed up, but they're still okay. "When you can release the weight of guilt and accept forgiveness, the load is so much more bearable. To the mom who is too hard on herself, you're good enough. Aim for connection instead of perfection. Perfection isn't attainable, but connection heals."
5. I can't be and do everything. "What needs cut gets cut, what needs delegated gets delegated."
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Name one way you can enjoy this day just a little more.
Remember to take a breath before I respond. This helps me be more intentional and mindful with my response. It will help me respond rather than react.
Do a search for "happiness quotes" and jot down a couple that inspire you.
"Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like."
"Happiness is a direction, not a place." Sidney J. Harris
"Happiness is not a goal...it is a by-product of a life well lived." Eleanor Roosevelt
"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts."
What does your best day look like?
Balance. Exercise, spiritual connection (reading scriptures, praying), connecting with my kids, some time for me, enough sleep, making a healthy meal for my family, connection with Wendel.
Write down a list of characteristics you want your child to see in you.
Determination, love, kindness, patience, faith, happiness, positivity.
How close is the mom you are to the mom you want to be? How can you get there?
Pretty close. Maybe not through their eyes though. But through my eyes I feel like I live my life guided by these characteristics. They might see my lack of patience and focus on that more. I will keep working on that one.
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