I'm coming to terms with the fact that Oliver has a mental illness. I think it is easier to view him this way, rather than thinking he is healthy and just being a jerk. He is far from healthy. He is verbally abusive, emotionally falling apart, his self esteem is suffering, his pain is overwhelming. I think we are ready to try medication, for Oliver's sake and for the sake of our family dynamic. I think Josh's anxiety is greatly affected by Oliver's behavior, as well as Oliver's anxiety.
I took Oliver's baptism and 8-year-old pictures at the Gilbert Temple today. I just looked at them and can hardly believe how grown up he looks. It makes me sad in a way because I feel like I am failing him and the older he gets, the more I feel that way. Like he is further out of my grasp and will remember negative interactions more. I also saw pictures of me on that camera card and I was surprised by how old and exhausted I look. Life has definitely taken a toll these past several years.
Falling asleep...
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