Sweet Boy

My thoughts are turned to Josh again tonight. He had a preschool field trip today to Shamrock Farms. He really enjoyed it but lately he's been telling me, "Everyone hates me," including several times today. I usually say, "Well, the good news is, that isn't true." Today he told me, "My family loves me but everyone else hates me." Today at the field trip, we all rode a tram as we toured the farm. A bunch of the pre school kids wanted to sit on the same row on the tram, saying they were "best friends." Josh and I took our seats in front of them. I told him, "You can sit up here in front of your friends." One little girl, Bailee, was sitting next to him but then moved back with the other kids at their invitation. They didn't invite Josh or say they wanted him by them. Bailee ended up moving back to our row at the insistence of the tour guide, because there wasn't room on the other row, but it wasn't because she wanted to hang out with Josh. I could tell they view him differently, maybe not consciously but at last subconsciously.

This evening Josh and Norah were helping me make dinner. She moved over to his chair when he walked into the other room for a little bit and when he came back he pushed her right off and yelled at her. I put him in time out for that and he refused to stay so after a couple of chances, I told him he had to go to bed early. This put him into a mood that is not easily changed. Wendel had to work late on a house he's flipping and I was going to go to a girl's night out with friends but I knew this mood he was in wasn't going to change so I had my babysitter come here instead and be with the babies and Norah while I got Josh to bed (which took an hour and a half). We eventually had a good talk about how he could use his words to express his frustration with Norah instead of pushing and yelling. Sometimes he says things to me like, "I love you mom. What would I ever do without you? How could I live without you?" And tonight I had the thought of what will he do when I'm gone, this sweet boy of mine who will hardly open up to anyone else. And that breaks my heart.