Today was the last day of school for Oliver and Josh (the other kids are already done) and I'm feeling all the feels. This year especially, I feel like it was just so much at the end of the year with the awards ceremonies and end of year field trips and parties. That's something I didn't consider with having five kids in five separate schools. I feel pretty drained and emotional too. We were invited to Oliver's awards ceremony at Heritage because he received an award in Science. His teacher called me last week and told me he's worked so hard and has come a long was and she wanted to recognize that. I'm grateful his Science teacher, Mrs. Sims, noticed and is encouraging. That is so good for him. When I went to congratulate him after and give him a hug, I started to cry. I couldn't help it. He asked me why I was crying and I could barely get out the words that it was because I was proud of him. Maybe it's also because he's growing up so fast and I know I only have a few short years left with him in our home. Also stress from some hard days and just a lot of overwhelm and stimulation. I came home from Zach's end of year party (at a park, out in the sun) and had to lay down on my bed. I put everything else aside - all chores and didn't feel bad about it. I just read from a novel I'm loving (The Selection) and hung out with Nathan, tickling him and having fun (and trying to repair from yelling at him in a stressful moment this morning). I haven't had much time by myself lately, which is how I recharge and I was feeling it. It felt so nice to have some time this afternoon to be still.
And now Summer is upon us. That comes with mixed feelings. So much fighting, anger, contention, hurt feelings, playing referee...it's exhausting. I'm tired of trying so many things that work for a while and then don't and of being patient for so long and then losing it and that's what they remember. I'm trying to be positive and think I will be okay after recharging today.
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