It's working!!!

Just a quick note to document that today I listened to a podcast with Dr. Tina Bryson while I was doing the dishes (the babes were napping and Wendel took the three older kids to lunch). It resonated with me so much. It sunk in even more. I was loving every minute of it and soaking it all in. Then the kids came home and gave me lots of opportunities all day long to practice what I had learned. And it worked, over and over again, to bring the kids from the red zone to the green zone before things escalated out of control.

There was one incident where I went into the front yard for a minute to say goodbye to Wendel when he left for work and when I came back inside, Josh was on the stairs crying. He had spilled his milkshake all over the carpet and had woken the babies from their naps by going into their room to look for me. He was curled up in a ball on the stairs crying. As I approached him, he sobbed harder. "No! I don't want to lose my family movie treat tonight! I don't want a consequence." My main goal was to get him from the red zone back into the green zone. I positioned myself lower than him on the stairs and talked in a calm, soothing voice. "Hey, Josh, you're not in trouble Buddy. It was an accident. I understand." "But I made a mess on the carpet and woke up the babies! I'm in big trouble!" "No you're not. You're not in trouble. Accidents happen." He stopped crying and looked at me. I could tell he was confused but also relieved. He was back in the green zone. "We do still need to clean up the mess so it doesn't ruin the carpet. Would you like me to help you clean it up?" "Yeah." "Okay. The first step is getting the paper towels. Could you bring a roll of paper towels in here for me?" He brought it in. Together we sopped up the milkshake and kept blotting until nothing was visible. "The second step is to spray the carpet cleaner on the carpet." He enjoyed that part. "Then we need to blot spray." "Mama, it's all clean!" he exclaimed. "Good job Josh! Thanks for your help." I then talked with him about how it's very important not to go into the babies' room. "But I didn't know where you were!" I told him he needs to look for me in lots of other places before checking in there (and listed them all out) and if he does check there last, to whisper my name first. He said he would do it and gave me a hug. I was still able to get the messages across that I wanted to, the mess still got cleaned up, and we felt connected and happy in the green zone. I was also able to use this approach with Oliver and Norah a few times and to diffuse fighting when it began to escalate. I love this approach and I love that it is actually working (when nothing has for years). It feels like a Godsend and I'm so grateful.

Josh told me several times today that he loves me, including a cute knock knock joke. "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "I" "I who?" "I love you." (He made it up and I love it.) He also told me I'm the best mom in the world and hugged me several times. To me this communicates that he felt heard, his feelings were validated and he felt connected to me.

I'm feeling something I haven't really, truly felt in this aspect of my life in a long time: Hope.