It's 1:48 am and I can't sleep. It's especially frustrating because I'm sick and so desperately need the sleep. I have so much on my mind with parenting challenges. I watched a video this evening that my mom sent me. It was a lady talking via Instagram who was warning parents about the danger of cell phones and online games, particularly Roblox. Her daughter was the victim of an online predator who was posing as an 11 year old girl and other peers but was really a grown man who taught 5th grade math. He had this 13-year-old girl believing no one loved her but him and that he would kill himself if she disclosed things he told her. Her whole disposition changed and she was grumpy and withdrawn. She had her regular Roblox account with no unusual activity. Her parents had safety measures in place and limited screen time. But she had created a second account that was incognito so her parents couldn't view it. She also figured out how to get on the internet from an old phone that didn't have a sim card when her parents took her phone away. This is weighing heavily on my mind because Oliver plays Roblox almost daily. This is the thing that means the most to him, to play with his friends online. I have had concerns about it but Wendel views it as the thing kids do to be social and thinks we should let him have limited time with rules and safety measures so we have let him do it. But I am really re-thinking that after watching this video this evening.
Oliver has been exposed to pornography at school. He said they have some breaks during Flag Football and can access their backpacks during breaks so kids were playing games on their phone. Some of the 8th grade boys were pulling up porn images and videos and one set his phone down for others to see the video. Oliver was able to describe what happened in detail. He still thinks it's gross but won't for long. Thankfully he was open with us, as we have asked him to be when the time comes that he is exposed to it. He asked questions and we openly and honestly answered and didn't shame him. I feel like this was a good parenting move on our part and I'm grateful we have been very open and honest with him from the beginning about sex, pornography, puberty, etc.
The obsession our kids have with screen time weighs on my mind. They always want to be on a screen but we limit it to 2 hours a day or less.
The mental health challenges are so hard and wearing. So taxing on our marriage and family. So exhausting and draining and constant.
The fighting between siblings is upsetting and draining as well.
The emotional dysregulation is improving but still happens. It trickles down to the younger kids and is painful to see it play out in them as well.
Oliver lies a lot. That's a tough one too. Lately he's trying to earn our trust. About 4 months ago he stole money from my wallet, looked me in the eye and lied to my face about it. He eventually told the truth, when threatened to lose screen time for months. I think he truly believes the lies he tells at times and thinks a different scenerio happened than really did.
We had a 504 meeting for Josh today. I'm glad we can get him accommodations to help him at school.
All of the kids want 1:1 time with me a lot and get jealous of each other.
I'm trying to stay consistent with Ellie's patching, staying calm when the kids get upset, keeping Nathan and Zach from hurting each other, trying to declutter our house because I know it affects our mental health, trying to clean but am so far behind, continuing to prioritize making healthy food for our family and scripture study and the 10 minute family clean up at night...
It's a lot and tonight I'm feeling the weight of it pretty heavily. I am truly exhausted. I prayed tonight and asked Heavenly Father to send angels and to take these burdens from me so I can sleep. Maybe now that I have dumped my thoughts here I can rest peacefully.
